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I know that. It still meant a lot to me.

[She knew Oriko would rationalize it away like that but she didn't realize how meaningful that meant to her. How that was the first time someone actually stopped and helped her out of kindness in so many years.]

But that's not what I wanted to tell you. I was so nervous I forgot to thank you. So I tried to find you again so I could. I had so many chances but I couldn't bring myself to say something.

[Of course, she could stop there...Oriko would wonder why she brought it up at all then forget about it... But she can't stop there. Even Kirika knows that much.]

Oriko, what I wanted to tell you is what my wish was. It was depressing not being able to even greet you. Not even to say 'thank you'... I just didn't have the courage to. Even if you forgot the incident it still was important to me.

No one would remember the person I was. The sort of person who skipped school because the students in the classrooms made her nervous. Who didn't stand out in any way. That person was utterly forgettable. Not to just you but to everyone.

[There's a tightening of her fists here. It's very clear she's uncomfortable.] Shiromaru--I mean, the Incubator--said I could change if I wanted to. If I wanted to, I could be someone more memorable. More interesting. Someone who wouldn't be forgotten.

[She stops here.] I'm really sorry Oriko but the person who introduced herself to you so boldly..who's been at your side almost consistently... it's all been a lie. That person only exists because of my wish to change my personality.

Your friend--that's not me. It's just something the Incubator created.

[...it always comes back to the Incubators.

Every. Damn. Time.

Kirika is just a construct. The knowledge practically rocks her.

All this damn time she's been trusting and confiding in what could quite easily be an Incubator plant; the perfect solution to a problematic precognitive. Was this why nothing had worked? Mercy's sake it had been Kirika who called in Mami that day and Kirika who'd cut her down... suddenly she feels a little apologetic to the twin-tailed girl.

It's a shiver. Betrayal? Maybe. How can she clarify this? What can she conclude from this? By what measure can she understand it, make sense of it, react to it? She's lost and it's just like father and-]

[Stop.

She blinks. No, this isn't like her father at all. It's an overreaction. She calms down, wishing they weren't doing this in person; mercy knew what Kirika was making of all of this-]

A-Are you sure?

[just an ordinary girl who'd made a mistake. Just like all of them. Kirika was a Puella Magi. She should have known.]

[She knew it was a bad idea to bring it up. Should have just kept it a secret until it was too late. She didn't want Oriko to hate her.

All she wanted to was to have someone close to her, a special person, and she was stabbing her in the back all the time.]

All I wanted was to be...someone that could be cared about. My devotion was real but-- [She bows suddenly.]

If you hate me or if you want me to go, I deserve that.

-No!

[It's Kirika. But she can't think that way now. How much is real, how much is a wish? Is Kirika being Kirika expending her soul gem? Who's the real Kirika? Which one does she trust? If she is created by the Incubators how much control do they have? They've never tampered with wishes before... that she knows of...]

Stay.

[Mole or not. Too late now anyway. Maybe use in reverse; feed information to the Incubators? She'll have to plan on her own for a while. But it's Kirika. She needs her. For the plan.

For the world.]

Edited 2013-06-12 18:00 (UTC)

[She doesn't straighten her back. She doesn't look up to Oriko's eyes. Why would Oriko want her to stay around? A liar, someone who betrays you... that's the worst sort of person, isn't it? Why bother?]

If Oriko wants me to stay, I'll stay.

[But it's still Oriko.]

I do.

[she sighs]

This doesn't change anything.

[it does]

I betrayed you.

[Kirika doesn't believe Oriko one bit]

No. I hadn't really met you before. You have only ever been you.

[the knowledge that she, just by doing a good deed - an ordinary deed - is reason for someone to damn themselves and become a Puella Magi... the idea of it makes her sick. That's not a debt she can repay or a responsibility she can bear.

She'd always assumed Kirika had her own reasons - obviously she had to have a wish... she'd assumed...

...But she can't afford to do that any more.]

[Then why are you treating me so distantly? I'm just a stranger!

She bites down on her words. She doesn't know what Oriko's thinking and, really, she never really has. She's been a logical thinker while Kirika is an emotional one.]

Maybe.

[...]

But don't tell me things haven't changed, you're not someone who would take something like this lightly.

...

How would you feel, knowing someone had become a Puella Magi because of you, given all it entails?

...huh?

[Okay, that's not the part she's been focusing on. Kirika pauses, rubbing her neck.]

It's not like any of us knew what it meant to become a Magi.